Wednesday, July 18, 2012
Children Of The Revolution
Guevara, Tubman, Trotsky, Spartacus... Hantz. Revolutionaries who desired to create a new collective consciousness. Driven by class struggle, inequality, and alienation, these heroes risked life, limb, and nomination to bring about change to an otherwise cruel and unjust circumstance. The revolutionary is often misunderstood at first. Innovation takes time and commitment, but it often starts with just one man, one short stocky balding man with an affinity for double negatives, with the courage to stand and declare war in the face of adversity. Che Guevara once said, "The revolution is not an apple that falls when it is ripe. You have to make it fall." He was talking about The Golden Apples, my friends. A tree needs to be shaken up once in a while before you can juggle with its fruit. Viva La Revolucion! Let's recap, shall we?
After a fitful sleepless night, Willie is awakened by Big Brother calling his compatriots into the Diary Room. Cranky, tired, and panicked over the revelation by Britney that the Coaches might be entering the game and stealing his $500,000, Willie wanders outside to find Boogie stroking his pointed chin. Willie launches into his trepidation about the Coaches and how "sunthin' ain't right" with the number of Houseguests in the game. Boogie nods and tells Willie that he's much smarter than the average player. The two agree that keeping Frank in the game is the best move for them and that perhaps targeting Janelle's people next week is the way to go. Willie gets up to seek refuge in his bunker while Boogie stays in the fresh outdoors smiling to himself. "Me with Willie... who woulda thunk it?" He then says with a great sigh, "Janelle, Janelle, Janelle. Today must still be my birthday. Christmas is right around the corner. What's next? Willie doesn't like Britney anymore? I love it, I love it, I love it."
And we are off and running Bitches. The more minutes that pass, the more thinking our Willie does, the more he is ready to get this Revolution on the road. He paces hither and thither muttering to himself about how "thangs juss don't make no sense." Last night's conversation with Britney echoes in his head pounding against his skull. "This house juss ain't right," he says again and again. Finally, Britney pulls him aside and tells him that he has to chill the fuck out. Willie tells her she's pissing him off and Britney replies, "I'm not going down for outing the Coach twist!" Willie says it's all Frank's fault. Frank's the one who has been talking about the twist (I think he's lying) and the pinwheels start turning. Britney says, "Fine. I'll blame it on Frank."
With Britney left to figure out why she's suddenly mad at Frank and regretting telling Willie anything last night, Willie heads outside to have a smoke. Muttering to himself some more and shaking his head, he blurts out to Joe, JoJo, and Frank that they can't give their Coaches $500,000. Frank heartily agrees. He hated seeing those Coaches enter the game and it's taken him 3 years to get on this show. He'll be damned if he's here playing someone else's game. Frank says they need to get rid of the Coaches as soon as they can. Joe chimes in and suggests that they have a House Meeting where they tell the Coaches not to dictate to them. Willie snorts. He doesn't want to talk to no coaches. Period!
Willie says they need to keep to the house strong in case anything happens. They need to build up their army. *whispers "Revolution"* Then that dumb ass Dan entered and put an end to the battle plans. Willie ends the conversation by saying he'll call a House Meeting when Janelle wakes up.
I figured it takes a while for Janelle to drag those dogs of hers out of bed so this is where I decided to squeeze in a little yoga and take a shower. Dandasana, virabhadrasana, eko pada kapotasana, stretch, bind, up, down, release, relax, naked time. As I stepped out of the shower I knew, I just knew, that something was amiss. And then I heard it.... eeking out of my laptop... "Don't let them tell you who to get out!" Gah! House Meeting!
With wet hair I dropped my towel and ran. Like Forrest Gump, I. Was. RUNNING. I made it just in time to see The General give a moving speech that went something like this:
Build yer own alliances not their alliance! There ain't enough people in the house to play the game. Them Coaches is definitely coming back. We'd be stupit to let them play! I don't wanna hep Britney get $100,000 OR $500,000. Don't let them tell you who to get out!
The crowd murmured to themselves and looked uncomfortably around the room. Then something miraculous happened. Jenn mumbles, "They need us. We're their golden eggs." Yes Veruca, yes! Then Wil announces, "I agree!" Frank blurts out, "If we keep telling them everything, they'll use it against us!" Even that mute Kara had something to say, "We need to stick together." And that, my friends, is how you start a revolution. You can bump and grind. If it's good for your mind. Well you can twist and shout. Let it all hang out. But you won't fool the children of the revolution. No you won't fool the children of the revolution.
Since I can't find a Moulin Rouge clip, I give you the Gay Men's Chorus Of Los Angeles which is, let's face it, even better! Please to enjoy:
"Umm I thank we're all playing a lil too fast. We shouldn't be guessin' about what's gonna happen." Who said that?!? Oh god, it's Joe. Shut up Joe! Just shut up. Can't you see we're breaking boundaries here? We're sticking it to The Man! We're sipping Absinthe and getting ready to have an orgy. No one wants to hear from the pubes on your face right now. No matter how much I fist pump in Joe's direction, he won't shut the hell up. Sensing that the group isn't buying the casserole Joe is serving, he says, "But it does bother me that the Coaches are workin' on my behalf." When Joe coaches his son's football games he doesn't run out on the field and play for them. He coaches from the sidelines and that's what he wants the Coaches in the house to do.
Willie ignores Joe and says that they, the new people, are the ones who need $500,000. The Coaches don't even care about the money. They're just there to prove some silly point about how good they are at the game. It means nothing to them. Wil says, "I think we should all take a 24 hour break from the game altogether." Willie replies, "Yeah, just let it settle in." Bless you Wil, but have you been present for the past 10 or so days? The Big Brother 14 house is high on meth and glue. Ain't nothin' gonna stop this game from happenin'. Oh my god, I'm talking like Willie now.
The meeting closes with Willie telling everyone that they can't act like a flock of sheep. If no one has approached them at this point with game talk, then chances are they're a pawn. It's not exactly the brightest way to end a meeting, but hey, he's new at this. He'll get better with time.
The meeting disbands and Willie thinks it's went well. He gave a rousing speech that not only woke up his fellow newbies, but inspired them to take action. Now all he has to do is sit back and wait for the... "Willie said you're tryin' ta steal his money!" Oh for crying out loud! Is that Joe again? It is. It's Joe. It's Joe running his mouth and tattling to Janelle. It took all of 30 seconds for this Judas to scramble downstairs and betray the covenant of the league of houseguests. He tells Janelle everything and I mean everything.
He tells her how Willie wants them to stick together and how the Coaches are going to enter the game at some point. He looks to Janelle for a horrified response or something, but all she does is grab her stomach and sigh, "I'm hungry." Joe looks a little shocked at her disinterest so she asks him if what Willie said upstairs is why he wants to keep Frank. Joe says that Willie wants powerful people to go up against the Coaches. Janelle scrunches up her face at the mere idea of having to work with Boogie. She tells Joe that the Coaches do not have an alliance. She will never work with Boogie. Joe shrugs his shoulders, "Maybe I'm completely naive, but I don't see the Coaches entering the game at all."
Outside we find Wil, JoJo, and Kara gathered on the hammock. Britney sees them congregating and approaches. The mood outside is tense and weird and Britney doesn't care for it. She tells the people on the hammock that if they ever need anything, they can go to her. She walks away and Wil mutters, "We're all older than Britney and she expects us to come to her for advice?" And then he did two snaps and a twist and my heart soared.
Upstairs in the HOH Willie is still a little unsettled about Joe. He tells Shane how he didn't like that Joe kept bringing negativity into his revolution meeting. Joe was the only one to disagree and not jump on board with two feet. Willie shakes that Joe right out of his beard and begins to talk to Shane about an alliance with Frank. He wants the men to have an alliance on their own without the girls (this is kind of a lie as he already has an alliance to go the end with JoJo and Ashley). He says the women are pretty much going to marched to the slaughterhouse at some point or another. They need to build a powerful alliance that consists of mainly hisself, Frank, and Shane. Willie says he doesn't think he can work with Jenn, but maybe Ian can be used as a tool - especially if he starts winning things. Shane agrees about Ian and they make plans to work on him later.
Outside, it's another story. The Revolution, The Resistance, The Mutiny seems to be losing strength rapidly... or is it? Joe is on his Tattle Tour 2012 and now Janelle is making the rounds telling as many people as she can that Willie is a bully. The conversation turns to how they might actually be able to save Kara now. Janelle says they only need one more vote to make it happen.
At this point, Britney has made her way upstairs and is telling Willie that if he doesn't rein in JoJo he'll lose her. Willie laughs confidently and says, "We're not losing JoJo." And he's right. JoJo isn't going anywhere. I don't know what the hell Britney is talking about. She's either stirring shit up or is making a lot of assumptions from seeing JoJo sitting outside with Wil and Kara. Willie tries to reassure Britney, "We're fine baby." Britney replies, "Downstairs they're not fine!"
Britney has had a long night and an even longer morning. She essentially throws her hands in the air and wishes everyone luck. She's not going to tell them what to do anymore and they can all play how they want. Uh, no offense Britney, but you have never told Willie what to do. He has always made his own decisions. In fact, I submit to the jury that he has told you what to do. You started this mess chucklehead when you couldn't keep your mouth shut.
Britney then sighs to herself and puts on her victim hat, "I have no alliance whatsoever right now." *plays tiny violin and wipes a fake tear* "I can't trust Janelle anymore." Willie and Shane kind of ignore her and tell her that they're going to try to work with Ian now. Britney likes Ian and thinks it's a good idea. She says Danielle will also vote however Shane votes. Shane agrees and says Danielle follows him around like a puppy dog. "She'll do whatever I tell her to." Wait a tic, didn't Britney just say she wasn't going to give them advice anymore?
At the exact same time as this conversation, another one is taking place downstairs. He's baaaaack! It's Joe again and he's making his second stop of the tour in the Lounge. This time he's talking with Dan and Danielle. Dan mutters that Willie just made the worst move of the game. Joe is absolutely beside himself. He can't stand still and he's having trouble keeping his brain matter inside of his head. In the meeting Willie said he has an inside source about the Twist (Britney) and Joe is convinced that Willie is making it all up. Joe says that Willie just hung himself especially when he said he wanted to get rid of all the sheep. (Note: Willie never said that!) Dumb ass Danielle, out of nowhere, mumbles, "Joe, I like you as a person no matter what anyone else says." What the hell?
Joe leaves the Lounge and then makes his way to the Foot Room. Frank is sitting on the bed talking to Jenn and as soon as he sees Joe he says, "I think that meeting hurt me more than helped me." Keep in mind that, while upstairs, Frank was the second most vocal! He was all fired up! He's kind of the original revolutionary because he has always hated the Coach Twist. Why is he being such a flaky Shirley Temple right now? Ugh!
Joe very rudely asks Jenn to leave the room and she complies. He then reveals to Frank that Willie has been instructing everyone how to vote. They're not all supposed to vote to keep Frank. Some are supposed to vote for Kara so Frank will be suspicious and want to find the traitors. Plus, Willie will get to break a tie. *smacks self in head with a 2X4* Is loyalty dead? Seriously, someone tell me. Is there no sanctity in secret keeping anymore? This Joe is a fountain of secrets and he's really beginning to chap my ass. Naturally, hearing this news, Frank is pissed. He thought Willie was on his side. Joe tells him that Willie is only playing for next week.
Willie, at this point, has finally made his way outside. He sits with Ashley and she tells him what's been going on in the house - all the tattling. She seems to still be a part of The Revolution and this makes me happy. Then Janelle approaches and wants to sit next to Ashley on the lounge chair. Willie leaves and Ashley immediately tells Janelle how Willie is so nervous now. WTF? Ashley! Shut your vicodin lips right this second! Truth be known, I can't tell what side Ashley is on. I have NO idea. She either has a Sheryl Crow tumor pushing on the short term memory part of her brain like I suspect I have or she's a fucking brilliant liar. Seriously, look out for this one. She's quiet and ditzy, but I'm calling it right now - Dark. Horse.
The day continues on in much the same manner - lots of whispering, lots of small clusters of people rehashing the morning meeting. Willie tells Kara it'll take an act of congress to keep him in the house for anymore than 2 or 3 weeks, JoJo trash talks Danielle some more (I love it when she does that!), and then Britney started to cry. I'm surprised it took her this long to break down. I expected it earlier when she was in the HOH giving up on the game and then at the same time playing the game. She's exhausting and annoying and still doesn't have the foggiest idea that all of this, all of this delicious chaos, is her fault.
Then a burglar entered the house and the feeds went down for almost two hours. Thanks to Michelle from the Bronx for the photo.
OK so this is where things get a little crazy. Willie and Frank are in the HOH room and Willie is doing HYMBOE again. He tells Frank they need to stay strong, but please don't tell anyone what they're talking about. Frank nods and replies that he's upset that Boogie sleeps all the time. He misses everything going on in the house (intentional?). Frank tries to reassure Willie of his loyalty by telling him he never told anyone that Russell Hantz is his brother, not even Boogie. Willie tells him he already told Boogie so it's no big deal. Willie then tells Frank they if they don't have the numbers on their side, they're going home. Willie says he think he has 5 votes to keep Frank and Frank asks who the fifth is. Willie refuses to tell him because it's his "golden ticket". He says if everyone does what they say they're going to do, they should be fine and Frank should be safe.
THEN, Willie sort of laughs to himself thinking about how during the House Meeting Wil wanted everyone to take a break from the game for 24 hours. He does a very simple impression of Wil in which he raised his voice the tiniest bit. It wasn't a lispy gay voice. It wasn't a flamboyant flipping of his hair. It was a voice with a Kentucky accent like Wil has. He said and I quote, "We should take a break from the game for 24 hours." Willie then smiled to himself and giggled like he was remembering a fond memory, like he was thinking of Wil in a charming way at how cute he was to want to put the game on pause. It was a nothing moment. I've watched it 3 times now and it was a nonissue.
Somehow, in the asshole part of his brain, Frank takes this tiny sentence from Willie and turns it into an evil malicious and hurtful scandal. Here's what happened: After Frank leaves Willie, he runs downstairs and tells Joe that Willie was making fun of Wil for being gay. Joe then runs and tells Wil that Willie was being homophobic and laughing at him. It's like the worst game of Telephone you can ever imagine. Wil is instantly horrified, embarrassed, and begins to cry. His feelings are genuinely hurt and I don't blame him! Frank and Joe did a really dirty thing turning something so innocent and harmless into something so vile and hurtful.
Meanwhile, Willie has NO idea that any of this is going on. Yet, downstairs the House is exploding. People are consoling Wil. Joe is running around telling anyone who'll listen that Willie is homophobic. Wil is calling Willie "lower than whale shit." And then, AND THEN, the fuckwits on Twitter joined the party and began lynching Willie. Even I was alerted to the story with, "Willie said some homophobic and made Wil cry!" I was frantic and thought to myself, "Oh shit." But with a little detective work and help from people giving me flashback times, I saw the incident for myself and was all like, "That's it? Willie didn't do anything!" And if you know anything about me, then you know that I don't tolerate homophobia in any shape or form. (You can Flashback the clip for yourself - 2:13 pm BBT Camera 4)
Joe lies, Joe li-hies, Joe lies... when he cries, when he cries, when he cries.
Finally, Britney makes her way up to the HOH and alerts Willie to what is going on downstairs. She was actually in the room with Frank and Willie during the conversation in question so she knows Frank is just starting shit. Willie is naturally pissed off and says this house is completely nuts. Ashley is there and she says everyone downstairs is twisting the story around like crazy (Note: Even she at one point was consoling Wil. The story angered her so much that she was ready and willing to turn on Willie.) The more Willie hears, the more angry he's getting. JoJo then enters and corresponds how Frank is downstairs telling everyone that Willie said something homophobic about Wil. Britney tells Willie that it's like the whole house is involved in some smear campaign against him. It's upsetting her because she knows that Frank is blowing it completely out of proportion. Then Ian joins them and is surprised to hear that Willie never said anything bad about Wil. He tells Willie that it's not good, what's going on downstairs right now.
Gather your gin bitches. Gather your gin, your nipple clamps, your glitter, and whatever else you use to celebrate. Guess what? IT'S FIGHT NIGHT! *tosses glitter into the air*
After Willie spends some time stewing and festering over Frank throwing the Wil thing completely out of proportion and talking shit behind his back, Willie emerges from his War Room and makes his way outside. He immediately begins hooting and hollering... "I'm getting dragged down like I'm the biggest motherfucking piece of shit!" He turns to Frank and points at him accusingly, "I hope you go home this week!" Willie says he never said anything about Wil being a homosexual. Frank denies spreading the lies and everyone in the hot tub just sort of sits and stares.
Meanwhile, this is Wil...
Willie can't believe how stupid Frank is being. He shouts, "You were staying in the game!" Frank then wants to know if Willie told some people not to vote for him so he'd suspicious (remember Joe the tattletale told him that). Willie replies, "It's game play!" Frank shouts, "It's MY game! Stop messing up my game!" Frank then brings up how Willie called them all sheep during the House Meeting. Willie shouts, "I never said that!" (He didn't. Frank is twisting it into something it isn't.)
Frank starts mumbling all this weird game shit that is either not true or completely ridiculous. He accuses Willie of trying to turn him against Janelle to which Willie asks Janelle, "Was I ever going after you? All those times up in the HOH, was I ever going after you?" I don't think Janelle replies, but Willie is LIVID. He turns to Frank and says, "You're going out!" Frank barks, "No I'm not!" *giggles* Willie shouts across the lawn to Kara, "I hope you stay in this house baby cuz you are an honest person and Frank is not. Everyone vote out Frank!" Franks shouts, "Whoever wants to vote for me, vote for me!" *dying*
Willie tells Frank, "Those two votes you had are gone!" Then Boogie, fucking Boogie, jumps in and says to Willie, "Who made you the boss of everyone?" Boogie accuses Willie of showboating on his first time on TV in order to look tough. *bites fist*
Ian, who has been hiding, pacing, and staring the wall inside the whole time, finally emerges and says, "Does anyone want to share a Digiornio pizza with me?" The hot tub crew starts laughing, but Willie is seething. I swear I saw smoke coming out of his ears.
The fight basically comes to an end and what do you suppose Frank does? He sits, stares at Willie, and talks about how the Showtime ratings must have gone through the roof. *sighs* Willie just sort of stares back and says nothing. Who gives a shit about Showtime ratings right now?! He just spent an entire week fighting for Frank to stay in the house and Frank screws it all up because he doesn't know how to play a goddamn game of Telephone. Unbelievable!
Sadly, I don't think Wil ever did find out the truth. The current plan amongst Joe, Frank, and their merry band of idiots is to vote out Kara. It's up to Willie to make some magic happen today. Unfortunately, I won't be able to blog tomorrow. *ducks from the flying cutlery* I know, I know! I'm so sorry, but I have to look for a place to live and I have some appointments today and tomorrow. Believe me, it's the last thing I want to do right now. The blog should be back on Friday - maybe later than normal, but this weekend should be fine with no interruptions. I'm still going to watch whenever I can and Tweet and Facebook and all that good stuff. I just won't have time to screencap and take notes and write in the morning.
SO, big day huh? Is this house awesome or is this house awesome? Do you think Willie made a mistake holding that House Meeting? What the hell is Joe's problem? Will Wil ever find out the truth? Who do you want to go home on Thursday? Comment it out bitches and have a great day!