Thursday, July 5, 2012
JoJo: Glitter Sparkling
Next up is JoJo Spatafaora, a 26 year old Promotional Model from Staten Island, NY. She describes herself as "sparkling" and I am instantly intrigued. Is she effervescent sparkling or glitter sparkling? There's a major difference in case you didn't know. Effervescent sparkling is bubbly like Pelligrino and glitter sparkling is glow in the dark tits out while lying on a chaise velvet lounge with fringe smoking a pink cigarette and stirring your bathtub lazily with a riding crop. Oh please let her be glitter sparkling!
On her questionnaire she refuses to answer the question asking for her strategy. Questionnaires are notorious shit talkers and you never know who'll they'll gab to next. A girl after my own heart! Hang on, it gets better. She hates the red-headed chick because she thinks too highly of herself and demands that the questionnaire let her know if the chick's name was Rachel or not. Seriously, this questionnaire never hurt anyone and it's getting the shit beaten out of it. It's sort of fabulous.
Moving on, we discover that JoJo is also scared of snakes. Since I'm sure every executive at CBS is reading this - MAKE MY SNAKE CHALLENGE HAPPEN! The short survey ends with JoJo getting angry at the questionnaire for asking her what she would take into the house. A toothbrush so she could brush her teeth - duh! God, questionnaires are so stupid sometimes. Assholes.
I am dying to see this video. Please to enjoy:
Flippant and whatever. Lazy hooded eyes and shoulders that could spear a fish. 40 seconds in and I love this chick. She's like, "Why you asking me this stuff Matt? Are you in cahoots with the questionnaire? Let's bounce and go get a cappuccino. Do you mind if I lay down while you keep asking me your silly questions? Can we do this in Italian instead? Alright fine, I'll make out with you, but I'll need to chain you up first. Shut up! Stop squirming." Matt doesn't stand a chance.
"Integrity? Oh shut up!" Excuse me, I'll be right back.
*pads naked to the refrigerator and retrieves 2 giant bowls of purple glitter*
"Can I curse? Can I call this girl a bitch?"
*dunks left breast*
"I'd wear the unitard. Red is so my color!"
*dunks right breast*
This chick is definitely glitter sparkling. I'm going to need her to team up with Jenn and just tear through the house like a roller derby tag team. You have no idea how relieved I am right now. This cast was looking bleak (save Joe of course), but JoJo is carnivorous. She's a little spitfire. What do you guys think? Can you roll with JoJo or does she scare your tender little feelings?